i realise (10-03-06)

have u ever realised that your perception of something always always always is altered or affected by how u feel, example, someones actions, how u see them, depends on how u feel about them

too vague?

if u already have something against someone, then what ever they do from that moment onwards annoys u. no matter how small or insignificant it is.

when it comes to friends, objectivity is easier, u see their actions and motives and intentions for what they are. especially if they are 'close', i use that term lightly. if u understand that person, they become almost transparent to the eye. Beneath whatever facade or defensive mechanism they hide behind.

Now heres the clincher, once u become attracted to that person, ur perception reverts to a confusing mass of absolute BULL, tiny miniscule details are analysed, actions looked into, motives and intentions completely and absolutely misunderstood. No matter how pure their intentions are. simple things are blown up to matters that supposedly warrant a whole night of unrest.

how do u stop this insanity, cause thats what it is. Mental bedlam. why does common sense always take a backseat or even disappear altogether.

thank god for close friends and family, people that love u, people that care enough to actually try to shake u to ur senses. and these angels will stand by u through your stupid mistakes, rantings and ravings. paranoia, delusions and fantasies. I love each and everyone of u. u know who u are.

every thing u experience, every moment has its purpose. The school of LIFE has a never ending supply of lessons and no one can ever ever graduate with flying colours. We are not perfect, I am not perfect. I still have so much to see. So much to learn. if im lucky so much to teach.

Once again, i receive what i truly need and not what i truly want. That i believe is the beauty of life.