21st january 2007

Been getting a few comments recently. Bout what kinda vibe I put out, my facial expressions, the way I am..... NO NO NO, Im not trying to say that i wanna change who I am......

I appreciate who I am..... I thank god dat I have recieved many gifts, and honestly speaking its been fantastic.......

Just mebe now need to reli think bout wat i want.... HARD DECISION coming up.....


I hate LIFE decisions. What if u make the wrong one? Yes I am a big fat mess, literally.....

But this whole perception thing, and how u portray urself...... n how masks and all this what not jus seriously, well....... sometimes feels like a real waste of time.....


I guess i'll always be that someone that ppl will get the wrong idea about, guess it cant be helped.....but den mebe im just over analysing, mebe im just full of shit.... mebe i reli have no control over my own personality...... now dats pathetic.... ok fine, I guess i do have strong principles and ideas....... and sometimes have the balls to actually voice dem out... yeah yeah..... but sometimes it just needs to be said u know...... sometimes u wanna just suck back those few words that fly out ur mouth.......... or just cover who ever it was directed to ears', vice versa, works either way.....


I think im going through a whole imactuallyembarassedIcantbelieveisaiddatshouldnthavetrustedthatopersonmoment.....

dont we all though.....



anyways, we were all just hanging out and stuff just now, and everybody was just exchanging stories bout the whole worst date and best date scenario..... I was racking my brains.... NO JOKE!!!!

Ive come to a realisation that Ive never actually been on a real date before...... Its just something that god has decided shouldnt be part of my life just yet... Or maybe I have.... and I just havent realised it... hahaha.... But its just not done in Brunei.... ok wait, nope, JUST ME... oh well.....

No, Im not looking for sympathy.... Or a PITY DATE...... please this is not a cry for help... AT ALL....... different people lead different lives.... we all just do what we can to survive... those very fortunate few actually have some control and actually do more then just survive........ NOPE, thats me again... oh well..... hahaha... its never too late u know...... theres a reason for everything....


We go back to the whole what u put out there thing..... sometimes u or ok fine I dont realise what i put out there, I guess im just reli good at the whole, I-reli-don-giv-a-flyin.................. persona, or as yasz says FACADE..... ooooooo big word......
This whole, Im a rapper must use big words thing, hehehe..... well at least u put ur vocabulary to good use... though sometimes i need a dictionary to understand what u saying...... DUMB IT DOWN please......


i think im going through a premenstrual, gotta vomit, damn it im confused thing....... ugh...... I also think im getting depressed, stressed, worried bout stuff that I reli gotta settle in my life..... DAMN DAMN DAMN.....

well i finally get to do a proper blogging thing next week..... I miss my internet connection at home

hehehe... no offence paula.... thanks for letting me stay as long as i have... and im sure ull be happy to get ur home back, but ull miss me too.... I KNOW THIS FER SURE..... hahaha.... awu awu... perasaan ah..... even though i stink up ur house with SIGUPz....... Im a damn good assistant/maid...... Not so great with the laundry, but hey at least hehehe.....

am i blabbering and doing the whole rambling thing... yes i guess i am... hehehehe... LAME-O...... but i need to get it out....


I guess as usual I am the insecure person I have always been.....