dont fall inlove (12-09-06)

i never thought that a song would stick in my head and mean so much so quickly, but now i will fall from my very high standard of originality and randomness and will now post lyrics goddamn it,

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I (honey I)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

I've been cruisin down this road for a while now,
I should tell the truth...
Girl you've been so good to me but I know
I'm no good for you
You should run while you can
Find yourself a better man
'Cause I'm known for brief romance
And breakin hearts across the land

Yes I've been known to have a few temptations
Out there on the road
And let's say hypothetically I've slipped and
Took a couple home
Girl I know that's not fair
You need someone who'll be there
So just get away before it's too late
And you're pain is too much to bear

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I (honey I'm)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

[Rhodes piano solo]

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I'm (honey I'm)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

Now on second thought maybe we'll give
This love another try
'Cause I can't see you with no one else
I'm selfish I can't lie
So let's go, let's go slow
You know all you need to know
It could end one day but
Let's just say we'll see how far it goes

Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me
Please baby don't (baby don't)
You know my history
See honey I'm (honey I'm)
I'm just trying to warn you (let me warn you)
Please baby don't (baby don't)
Don't fall in love with me

i cant believe i jus did that........... but yeah this song suddenly has meaning kenapa ia ah....... hahaha

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ramble (11-28-06)

pushed and pulled,

inside outside every direction

reality is a bitch

cant think straight

cant decide

paralyzed, dumbstruck

who are you?

who am I?

chose, run, hide, face it, confront it

too hard, too hard

help me as i spiral deeper into a bottomless abyss

every wrong decision makes me weak, too weak to hold on

too weak to climb up

ascend out of hopelessness is my only wish

a saviour is my one dream

why me why me........

a second too long and i wont make it

insanity the easy road to a hard life

integrity, honesty and common sense

responsibility, life, love, hate

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 ,3, 2....................1...... breathe

ITS ENOUGH

11-21-06

Why do some people take up residence in your life, and some just visit? What is it? How come we re so conditioned to just let them walk away? Or is it no conscious choice of our own? Is there anything we can do to keep the connection? Or do we just cherish what ever we had?

No, I’m not talking about love, well maybe I am, cause love comes in different forms doesn’t it? This is one thing I’ve learnt…… that loving someone and being in love are two different ends of the confusing, overwhelming emotion that we call love. It’s an endless stretch, from loving chocolate to being in love with someone. (that was a bit vague, but u get the gist of it doncha)

Another amazing thing is how these people were once on the very top of your priorities. Then without you realizing it, they sink lower and lower, till they altogether disappear. Maybe making a guest appearance once in a while, but never leading roles as before.

Of course you miss them, it would be a huge discrepancy on my part to not own up to this. And it affects you, puts you in a bad mood, can’t think straight, annoying feeling in the back of your heart. But life goes on, you deal with it. You go to bed, you wake up…… what miss? Suddenly it doesn’t matter, in the span of a good night’s sleep you shake it off. Are we all this fickle? How do we do this?

Fate has put different people in your life for different reasons for different lengths of time, maybe just appreciate what you have for how ever long its around, cause this too will fade like your favorite tank top to your closest dearest friend, its all the same. In the end you stand alone, with your experiences, feelings, thoughts, past, present and future as your companion.

the best invention (11-19-06)

Ive come to an epiphany......... ( new word), njae talks bout masks, but i would prefer it if we could have a bigger more accurate version of a MOODRING, but instead of a ring, mebe a thought bubble on the top of everyones head, or even subtitles.

It would basically let us know accurately what a person is thinking, how they are feeling, what they prefer to talk about, what their interests are, phobias are, what their taboo topics are and so on and so forth.

I tire of having to read people, what with body language, assumptions and theories, reactions, being fake........

ok fine just to make it simpler, couldnt we just have a silent police siren, one of those flashing lights that switch on when we come into contact with people, just to let us know, ok they reli dont like u..... MOVE ON MOVE ON..... simple right???

then i dont have to waste my time and effort....... trying to be AMIABLE, PLEASANT, GENIAL, SOCIABLE. man the effort we make so that a stranger feels more comfortable. make them laugh lah, make them smile la. get to know them la. do they even give u a chance..... NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!

You know what screw this and screw you, u r judgemental, u dont deserve to be my friend, u dont deserve to be part of my social circle, be part of my existence, go ahead and live in ur very small-minded world, cause honey i pity u. Unless uve lived my life, u will never understand...... but I wouldnt give u that privilege anyways. What u think to be true, ur opinions ur principles are a joke! and once the day comes when u see the light, if ure lucky enuff, u will hate what u r today, and den mebe u'll understand, atupun if ure very very lucky

selfish (11-02-06)

to be selfish, Ive always thought that it was a bad thing. Maybe cause its always used in a bad context, to be selfish, to only think of urself. WOW. an opinion that it usually frowned upon by most societies

SELFISH :To be concerned with your own interests, needs, and wishes while ignoring those of others

its amazing how people now preach the opposite, how being selfless has led to instances of self-SACRIFICE. Now altruism is a bad thing (yes i looked through my thesaurus for that word, but i understand what it means..... BANAR) hehehe.

but yeah, when does it become alright to put urself above others, SELF-love and all that. When does helping your fellow man turn u into a PEOPLE-PLEASER. the concepts vary with a private perception i guess. reasoning and personal intepretation playing their part in that one.

Knowing that your role in the bigger scheme of things is to be the sacrificial lamb, entering the situation with mental clarity and still be willingly led to your own slaughter, is that pathetic, even with your own motives, good and BAD intentions. sounds like suicide to me. Integrity (i like this word, sums up alot) OR all round peace. one person for a whole group.

YES! I do believe in the greater good. To you cynics out there u must seriously be thinking of bursting my beautiful bubble. But if we are all selfish then where would that leave the UN-enlightened, the ignorant, the ones without the knowledge.

Thats just great! I have successfully just made it sound like my actions would change the world. Haha. Ever wonder how things are only as important as u make them out to be. And how things affecting urself r always such a big deal.

I truly see the benefits of SELF-importance, putting urself on top of list of priorities, but since we r living in a world FULL OF PEOPLE, i guess this is gonna take some time.

To say NO, a lesson I thought I learnt years and years ago, isnt NO one of the first words people learn as a child. But as u age it becomes harder to say, as u ponder the pros and cons of each and every crossroad in ur life. and the consequences, how it affects u and the people around u. It becomes 2nd nature almost to keep the peace, to ignore the negativity, to try to make the best of each situation..... my train of thought has so missed the station. Those aboard who were thought they were heading to my point, I apologise, I took a detour, as usual. But dont we all....... detour down ramble lane....

ok. my point is, that its my blog and if it doesnt make sense to u, it sorta kinda does to me, ok mebe not, but hey at least its been interesting

ive learnt (10-22-06)

I’ve learnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes

I’ve learnt that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it

I’ve learnt you can get by on charm for 15 mins. After that, you better have a big willy or huge boobs

I’ve learnt that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up then you think

I've learnt we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away

friends n family (10-20-06)

FRIENDS ARE RELATIVES YOU MAKE FOR YOURSELF - eustache deschamps

this rings true for me, as ive met some people along the journey of my life that can be nothing less than family. Its amazing what rewards you reap when u open ur heart to new people, the difference they make in your life. Those without true friends know the true meaning of loneliness, cause with friends beside u, u can never be alone.

IT IS ONE OF THE BLESSINGS OF OLD FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE STUPID WITH THEM - ralph waldo emerson

I wouldnt be who I am without my friends I already have. I havent forgotten, even though I havent seen you in a while. Those places in my heart are reserved for you. Look at it as my old friends reside in my heart alredi lah.

A TRUE FRIEND REACHES FOR YOUR HAND AND TOUCHES YOUR HEART - anon

for those that are secure in my loyalty and my eternal friendship.

THE LANGUAGE OF FRIENDSHIP IS NOT WORDS BUT MEANINGS - henry david thoreau

my actual family that i didnt chose, i didnt forget you le. u guys different alredi related by blood, atu cannot reverse kali ah. even if i could chose my blood relatives, I wouldnt change any of u. Your personalities, wisdom, love, sense of humor made me the absolutely wonderful, fantastic, fun, HUMBLE, amazing human I man........ ( THAT WAS YOUR VANITY THAT CAUGHT ON OK MALAIs)

aura (10-15-06)

I ve come to a new revelation, that when your niat is ikhlas and is baik, things happen the right way alot more easier. Well so far, dont wanna jinx it... knock on wood, fingers crossed and all that.

But to get to that stage is very difficult. to let go of all your preconceptions, prejudice and all that. to take a deep breath. and take that first step into unchartered land. to accept things with an open heart, open mind and without the rose coloured glasses.

just remember to smile when u do it. it helps.

in conclusion, just that i went in today and ignored the negative and didnt even think bout it. and the evening went quite well actually. amazingly...... So far so good............

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i feel like shit (10-13-06)

when is it the right time to stop changing yourself for people. Where is that line? When it switches from being a better person, with better social skills, ie nicer lah. to a sacrificial lamb. to a bloody doormat. I was there once, easy to walk over, making other peoples happiness more important then my own. and when it isnt appreciated to have it thrown back in your face.

it hurts, so i stopped, finally. and i thought was becoming more of my own person. But its funny how people find it soo hard to let go of old habits. how we sometimes cant see the truth.

so my lesson today is to now find a balance between the two. making the effort but knowing when to stop. and when to realise that no matter what i do some people will not like who i am. I dont give a shit anymore.

I will try to be a better person. and treat people around me better. But I swear that if they are not worth it, any effort after that will be completely and totally insincere. I will dear friends be fake. Cause I know that they dont need to know what i truly feel. cause thats what everyone else is doing. and people seem to prefer the artificial sweetner to the real stuff. so why bother.

there will always be people that will not get me. But if u already make an effort to be nice and they still prefer to be all high and mighty then im just gonna not even think bout it. We are all human. We are all different. and there is no one person in this world that is truly truly truly liked by every single person in the world.

instead ive decided that i will work to the best of my abilities to make for a more amiable existance. Whether I am genuine or not. U dont have know do you. So whoever is reading this at this moment, rest assured that you will not know that am silently scrutinising the trust i have for you. negative or positive influence u have, I myself will pick and CHOSE as my right to follow what i feel is appropriate.

im grateful for your honesty, and im happy it was over the phone. I just need time to think it over. TOUGH love is tough for a reason!!!!

and in a couple of hours i will feel better. And i wont feel like shit no more.

Thank u god for the many lessons I have learnt and the many more to come

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words (10-13-06)

waiting on the sidelines of love,

watching and hoping for my turn,

lovers dancing in two-step,

in the intimate dance of oneness,

that only they understand,

every one has their partner,

maybe not in this life but maybe the next.

ive learnt (10-12-06)

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she
handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and traffic jam.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a
"life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt
on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if
you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work
and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I
usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a
friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

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honesty (09-27-06)

Ive always told people that honesty is never the best policy, but sometimes i just wish someone would just shake me and say, just say it, just tell that person, whatever you have to.

the consequences, what will happen, to tell that person whats lurking in the back recesses of your mind. hate, love, anger, feelings just screaming to be released, pushing my subconcious.

its all pride isnt it? cause when you tell someone the truth, be it good or bad, you then become vulnerable to the truth from them. my mind, my heart my soul all saying different things.

to cut that person loose, to let them be unaware of what you're thinking, maybe they're happier that way. isn't ignorance bliss? isnt it? what u never know wont hurt you.

i hate being confused, if only i could advise myself. when ure in the situation, in the midst of it all, deciding which outcome, which path, what challenges lay there.

right now all i have left is my pride and i know its not gonna be enuff, it never is. what do i do.? should i just go for it? what do i do? risk it all? what what what.........

help me

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ok fine (09/12/06)

yes i am human, yes i am slightly neurotic. but at that time of night, like what was that 2am u cant just call people up and expect them to listen to rantings and ravings of a madwoman..............

so u dear blog was my only outlet. hehehe. as i always say, theres always tomorrow.

im gonna use ur quote andie,

NOBODY REALLY CARES IF URE MISERABLE, SO MIGHT AS WELL BE HAPPY

cynthia nelmes

SHIT SHIT SHIT...............(09/11/06)

I JUST LOOKED THROUGH MY PREVIOUS POSTS............... OH MY GOD, I GIVE DAMN GOOD ADVICE, BUT WHY CANT I ADVISE MYSELF...............

EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IVE WRITTEN I SHUD JUST APPLY TO MYSELF.............

OH MAN..... THIS TOTALLY SUCKS!!!!!!

SO NOW WHAT, I TELL MYSELF............

I TOLD U SO, BITCH

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thank god (09/11/06)

thank u god, u opened my eyes before i went too far........... thank you god, i realised before i embarassed myself. i reli need to listen to that inner voice. the one thats always right..... the one that tells me it was a stupid idea from the start..........

oh thank god for blessings in disguise, the little things always add up. this we must agree. its never just one thing is it. never ever ever.............

thank god. yes it was a painful lesson to learn but im glad the rose coloured glasses have come off. but its the hope that always kills u in the end, hope and wishes and dreams......... but wat wud life be without it.

guess life will always go on. but u need the sucky bits so u can appreciate the good bits...... and wat doesnt kill me will only make me stronger. so this i promise myself. i will keep going cause this hasnt killed me yet......... cause i wont let it.............

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amazing............. (08/28/06)

HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU;

you have one of those conversations with yourself, your inner voice always has one opinion and you have the opposite, why cant we just listen to the INNER one, it always ends up being right..............

GODDAMN IT!!!!!

and u kick yourself after that................WHY WHY WHY.............. im seriously gonna make a bigger effort to listen to my instincts more.............. damn it damn it damn it....................

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women.......... (08/28/06)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a ROUGH DRAFT before the masterpiece.

HE-LEP ME UNDERSTAND.................(08/06/06)

alright............ have u ever wondered...............

1. when we bruneians say.............

'JAUH PALIS'

Can anybody tell me what a PALIS is...... I would reli love to know

2. Growing up, I would always be afraid when an adult said to me

'BOH'

ok, so what actually makes that sound, ghosts dont they usually have eerie laughs or whispers or something like that, i've never heard of a 'BOH' monster, or was it supposed to be the POLICE? Enlighten me ppl............

3. Remember this,

'Jangan lai, INDA KUASAtu'

KUASA-POWER, so what we talking about? POWER-rangerskah? Hahaha.......

4. Other stuff I love

OMO- any brand of washing powder

COLGATE - there are actually other brands right

SPONG-GEY - Hahaha..........

5. Those who know me know that I only really learnt to speak malay after the age of 16............ These are some words I love...........

TERJELUAK

ENKANG-ENKANG

BIBAI

KUNYAH-KUNYAH

MUAK

KURIPING

BERINUT

I JUST LOVE SAYING THESE WORDS......... I DUNNO WHY, HAHAHAHA....... I GUESS WE SOMETIMES FORGET HOW WONDERFUL THE BRUNEIAN CULTURE IS........

If there's anything u guys wanna add go ahead like tabuk n sinduk n ......... oh well u get the idea!!!!!

6. I almost forgot this one.........

SIA-SIA-PUN........ or is it PUN-SIA-SIA

and which way we supposed to go? up or down? and since its to ward off KEPUNAN...... which part of that actually says that........

SO IM CALLING ALL SMART PPL.......... EXPLAIN THIS TO ME............

thank you (08/05/06)

have u ever noticed how we tend to forget to be thankful,

we always look at what we dont have and never realise that everyone has something that others might not............. i have always believed this.....

example, someone may be rich, but they might not have a good family life!

someone who is goodlooking......... they might have an absolutely horrible personality or none at all......

you get it now........... I'm sure you do......... so here goes..........

I'm thankful for;

1. my sense of humor, that i can find something to laugh about even in the worst situations.

2. my ability to see both sides of any story

3. that i can actually understand anything I want, if i actually make the effort.... (when i make the effort)

4. the many different people ive met in my life.......... the good and the bad, especially the ones i can call my friends.

5. my creativity

6. my empathy

7. that i sometimes can accept criticism, that i can realise whats wrong and try to change if i need to.

8. my optimism

9. that sometimes with a few words i can help someone feel better

10. my ability to sound smart, even when i actually dont know what the hell is going on

and lastly, i'm thankful for what ever talent i have, I would not trade it for anything.

THINGS I WISH I COULD CHANGE OR STOP.............

1. my lack of commitment, dedication and determination

2. the speed of my mouth........ u know what i mean right

3. that i am sometimes not kind enough, and forget that everyone always deserves some sympathy....... no matter who

4. my love of everything thats not good for me..................

5. the fact that i can be the laziest person in the world

6. falling for bad boys, no explanation needed there

7. that i keep changing my mind

8. ignoring my own good advice............. ties into the above..... hahaha

the INTERVIEW (04/08/06)

so yeah, get a phone call from DJ AERIL......... hey come over later he says, we chit chat..... im like. ok. hahaha...... to the uninformed that means interview on radio.......... hahaha.... but yeah...........

so with these things ive realised there is no way to prepare.......... n if u get someone mean....... WATCH OUT, but aeril is a sweetheart so no problem there..... hahaha........

but i guess it went ok.......... just worried that i might have said the wrong thing or something u know.......... its scary wah............

so for anyone that i might have unintentionally overlooked...................

THANK YOU, I WOULD NOT BE WHO I AM NOW WITHOUT YOU..........

and if i ACCIDENTLY said something that i shouldnt have i apologise from the bottom of my heart and soul........... (soul somemore....... hahaha)

but i always try to remember that i am who i am now, because of the ppl around me, i think a certain way cause of what has happened to me......... GOOD OR BAD....... its all extremely important......... be grateful for the lessons in life. we all need them