wow.... its been a hundred days, I went to his house expecting to see him smoking in his kitchen, but all there is, are photos and fuzzy fuzzy memories. It's just so final.... thats exactly it... DEATH is so FINAL......
His children are still growing up as quick as they can...... Life goes on, even after you have.....
I just wish I could be there more.....
Thanks for all the comments. How do you guys find me???? Its nice to know that you guys think Im important enough to link and comment. Even Constructive criticisms are welcomed with open arms.
First things first, have you heard of Aunty May? Funny right. I'm so HAPPY that Bruneians are willing to laugh and not be too sensitive. I'm sure you guys wouldnt have been so open minded 5 years ago. It says alot about where we Bruneians are now. We're willing to support our beliefs, even if it is in the form of smses and logging on to the webcam. ITS GREAT!!!! A few years ago, I'm sure there would have been comments of, 'eh, nda bisai eh.' OR 'Capi-capi jua, siapakan tu???'
So CONGRATS or KUDOS( everybody seems to like using this word so I will too, what is a kudo exactly?) to KRISTAL FM for being brave enough to give Bruneians something different. Oh Gosh, I love you to PELANGI, National, Pilihan..... No offence.
I'm hoping this is the start of something wonderful, Bruneians are supporting local talent? YES this is all part of it. Lets bring back some healthy competition, which will only be a breeding ground for bigger better shows and radio.......... YES YES YES!!!! But play fair, dont be jealous and bitch, do something better. Dont just say who's better prove it. Without insults and harsh comments. Lets get rid of that part of us. Its regressive and STUPID NO SCHOOL!!!!
ALRIGHT, I am now a stepmother, so I am starting something new, it will definately pop up once in awhile, presenting.................
MEMOIRS OF A STEPMOTHER
wow, its the fasting month tomorrow. Are you excited? I am..... Its funny how it seems much more fun when you have kids. Its so ridiculous when you think about it. Me and my cousins were complaining a few years ago how boring, how hot, why do we need to do this..... BLAH BLAH BLAH.....
Now the baju's are made.... (I used to run around like a headless chicken a week before trying in desperation to find a tailor to make even one), shoes have been bought or will be, cakes, celebrations..... Its nuts, Ive even bought hair accessories for my little girl to wear.
I've only realised how much effort my mum makes every year. I took it for granted that every family makes such an effort. Ive suddenly realised that my mum makes puasa such a special month that we look forward to it. Maybe cause she starves us from salt and anything unhealthy, this is the time when MY MUM will be cooking all her great dishes.... Im so excited....
Ive realised that because of my mum, we as a family have taken to puasa and raya as almost christmas, without the presents and the christianity. Its a time for family, its wonderful... and tiring....
My point is, now ive got two kids, and I want them to feel this way too. Here my friends is the problem. Oh well, fingers crossed.
Has anyone noticed how us human beings have less and less ethics and morals? Ok fine, Im not that knowledgeable to know that much. But HERE in Brunei..... I've noticed that there are less and less nice people around. Maybe its cause I'm older and the older you get you forget to be nicer to people cause you're too concerned about what you don't have?
Maybe I'm being a bit too vague. I'm not talking about how religious you are, how many times you pray a day. Thats between you and god.
My point is that we are increasingly forgetting to be nice to others, that we are too concerned with life and surviving that we forget that we are only one person in a billion.
Why do I say this......
I have never been plagued with so many thoughts of Black Magic and these people making up stories about that person and negativity, this person has that, that person said this.... WHATS GOING ON PEOPLE.......
I ask you, why are there more and more people in Brunei that once they dont get what they want they turn into absolute idiots. The best example, is all those girls or guys out there that are so selfish, once they dont get that person that they want, or the person has moved on, they resort to black magic and lies and they set out to ruining these peoples lives.
The funny thing is, its usually malay people doing it to other malay people, it saddens me, that instead of us trying to help each other out, we have to destroy each other. Whats the purpose of this?????
For MONEY? once you die you cant bring it with you, all you're left with is white cloth and dirt.
For FAME? For POWER? Its pathetic and sad. How are we supposed to help our nation succeed if we cant even live with each other.
What happened to the Malay people that used to just help each other out? It still happens. But less and less, we're more interested in gossip and searching for the bad..............
Happiness is a choice you make everyday. How can you be happy when you mind is consumed with thoughts of revenge, jealousy and envy. How can you live like this?
Islam is a life of peace? Isnt it? How peaceful are you when you have to resort to backstabbing and nonsense.
So my opinion is this, dont use religious symbols to prove that you're a good person, cause anyone can wear a tudong and grow a beard. Its all about how you treat people around you too.
With some of the responses Ive been getting I thought I'd add on.
I've tried many many diets, exercising and even tried to lose weight on pills. The ones that make u empty ur bowels almost every second of the day, or the ones that collect all the oil from ur food and releases it down the other way. SERIOUSLY uncomfortable.
I have even tried the one that supposed to raise your metabolic rate, make it faster. All it did was make me jittery, anxious and extremely irritable, so I stopped that.There was another one where you had to take it before six in the morning or else you wouldnt be able to sleep come midnight.
Pills, diet and exercise, everybody else who did it, the weight just fell off them. So imagine this, you're all trying to lose weight as a group and u do everything ur friends do, but you dont lose an ounce. they keep getting slimmer and slimmer...... So you get angry and disappointed with urselves. then you eat to feel better. I did. So eventually when everybody else is skinny, you're still fat or even fatter.
This was me. NO JOKE.
everytime I would try to stick to a diet everytime I told myself I shouldnt eat that it made me want to eat more. Ever been there?
I have recently lost weight and I did it not cause I dieted. I just didnt put so much importance on food as i used to. Instead of putting alot of effort to eat, like thinking bout it, what to eat, how it would look and smell and taste, I got lazy. hahahahaha. I decided, for some reason, I dont know what, but I changed my perception of food. I decided that food doesnt make me feel as good as it used to. I used to eat and automatically feel better. Now I eat, and it doesnt excite me as much as it used to..... This may sound like crazy talk, but I am deadly serious.
So for me, the secret to losing weight, is not to think about it, cause the amount of pressure we feel when we think about it too much makes it too bloody damn hard.
So I dont eat to feel better, I eat cause my body needs the energy. and I exercise or sing when I need to feel better.
ok. There have been several blogs linking me. Now I feel the undeniable urge to impress you guys who have kindly spent time and effort learning how to link blogs and actually thinking my blog deserves to be linked... GOSH.
Although I must warn you, I am a 30 year old with an open mind and an open mouth. I believe in honesty or anything as close as possible to the truth, cause if you're not being yourself, then who else can you be. Or something smart like that.
Alright, you have been duly warned.
Today, ladies we will embark on a journey. Almost a trip into the secret lifestyle of spydom , there's a big word you can use, espionage or something. anyways......
Those who have met me or seen me must have realised that Im not what you would call petite, small, delicate, fragile... ladylike???? Well lets not go on..... I am according to local standards a giant, anak jin, bigger then the most..... I grew up talking to tops of white tudongs, not faces, didnt help that my best friend back then was not exactly 5 cats..... Sorry Naj... I LOVE YOU........
My point is, no matter what size you are or want to be or dream to be something you will learn is that nobody actually likes how their body looks, well maybe 1 out of 10 do. The rest of us NORMAL people think we're too fat, too tall, too skinny, too short, too what ever la ah.....
So instead of wanting to be like someone else, take a look in the mirror, ya maybe you're not so excited bout that person looking back, but hey its time to accept what we are instead of wasting time and effort with worrying..... If you've noticed worrying is a long and tedious process that doesnt actually help much.....
Alright, So I have always had a problem with weight, I have at one time been more than 80kg... think I was close to 85kg.But I didnt want to be stuck in clothes that an elephant would wear. I was already fat, and then the way I dress should make me feel pretty what.
I would get dressed up everyday feeling like this, with my weapons of makeup and imaginary confidence, I would walk out the door 'FEELING' like this
Even though I actually looked like this
and once I go meet normal sized chicks I felt like this.....................jpg)
I think what truly changed my mind about the way I should dress, was I met this lady and she wasnt at all at her ideal weight, if you know what I mean, but she would still be dressed in the lastest fashions, beautiful hair, beautiful makeup, she just looked great..... And because she didnt care she wasnt perfect, neither did I. I didnt even notice her body size. It faded. So I wanted to be as confident and as beautiful as her.
But I still needed my weapons. So here are my weapons of confidence.
1. Always wear HIGH HEELS, with long pants, they make you look taller, and taller people are supposed to be heavier right??? So you look like you're lost a few kg already.
2. Always be comfortable in what you wear, if your friends say it looks good try it, but if you really aren't brave enough dont.
3. BIG BELTS, oh these things saved me so many times, If you're smart and you position the belt properly, you can hide that bulge, I do it ALL THE TIME!!!!
4. SAFETY PINS, when you dont have a perfect body, your body bulges and moves in ways that clothes are not designed to accomodate. believe me, Ive tested this. So when those tops you have bulge a bit at the buttons, bring on the safety pins honey.......
5. TOO TIGHT clothes, even thin people look dumb when their clothes are too tight. really you want to bring attention to those places??? dress to accentuate your good points. Cause as I KNOW, tight jeans leave a extra bulge of fat up there, so when you sit it looks worse. I used to accentuate the top bits just to draw attention from my belly underneath.....
6. Last but not least, love who you are, cause no matter what, people are always gonna try to bring you down no matter what you look like or have achieved.
If thats not enough, your mental strength is the best bet, Just keep an image of this little lady down here and she might give you enough strength to battle those comments, looks and insults
told you REAL WOMEN WEAR BIG BELTS!!!!!!
Wow, I was shocked...... Firstly, that we now have the basketBALLS to have such a headline.... Well done. Hahaha.... But as we read, they were blame games weren't they. I so enjoyed the article, how our athlete has been training since March 2008. WOW!!!! March!!!! Thats like.... WOW SIX MONTHS.... Come on people, do we seriously believe that athletes are formed from just natural talent.
Those athletes we see on tv, the big names, I am sure that these people have been training since they were discovered out of school. Selection processes and training of athletes are long, strenuous challenges.
But you think I speak out of an opinion based on no experience.
I was fortunate enough to train with some of these guys. And they are the unsung heroes of our country. These guys sacrifice their lives, studies and any steady advancement in work. Why? Cause to be at a fitness and skill level anywhere close to even SEA Games standards apatah lagi the OLYMPICS are days and nights of training, once in the morning, once in the afternoon and once at night. To reach the mental strength these athletes have or are trying to achieve is unbelievable. Have you ever watched them train, they are pushed to their limits every single training session. But to them its all part of perfecting your sport. What they live for, the chance to represent their country, to bring glory back home in the form of round metal objects.
And what do they recieve..... oh oh ..... they get empty promises. Ive heard that every medal won, gold is supposed to get you $ 3, 000.00. silver is $ 1, 500.00. In the SEA Games. Please!!!! athletes are still waiting for payment from 2003 and in some cases even longer.
They get an allowance of $ 300.00 a month. Well thats what it was few years ago. And even that was usually not received.
We are a nation of smart, intelligent people, right? We know that a healthy person needs a healthy diet. Especially people that use their bodies... RIGHT???? Well wouldnt you like to know, that they are asked to stay at hostels, so that they can have nothing better than to train, which they are happy to do. But do they get food? NO!!! Do they even get a food allowance... NO!!!! So they live on maggii mee..... ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!!
LOOK, enough with the blame games. If you want our athletes to get better, faster, stronger... then they need support. They need to be appreciated for what they represent, tirelessly working day and night to represent a country that doesnt give them the respect and recognition they deserve.
How do you support yourself on $ 300 a month. In singapore, gold medal winners are paid ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Pro Athletes all over the world are revered and respected. To be a Professional Athlete is considered a good choice of career. and you make money. even the wonderful people filling up our gas tanks make $ 1, 000 or more a month.
all Im saying is, if you want our athletes to be able to perform at high levels, they cant worry about anything but their sport. Not everyone can pull of a 8-4 job, not everyone can write music, or be doctors or teachers. some special individuals are just born with every single characteristic to win every race physically and mentally, but since you cant make money as an athlete, they get stuck in jobs that bores them to death.
So instead of not signing them up or waiting 6 months before a major competition to train, lets start now...... We have four years. Lets start now dont wait. We have the athletes, and Bruneians are stubborn when they want to be so determination is not a problem. We are descendants of warriors. That blood still flows through many of us.
wow... people still read my blog... I thought I was crazy and just writing to myself... hahahaha....
But to Icy Lady,I apologise, I must explain, I have battled with my weight since I was born, Ive been berisi, lampuh, chubby, bigboned, tagap gendut... you name it. Its not about weight, its about living a healthier life style, thats all. Maybe we dont look like bloody models who look like they only eat once a month. Look at Queen Latifah, that woman has never ever cared bout her weight and cause she doesnt care neither do we.
So I apologise again, its not about how big you are, its about how healthy the food you put on ur mouth is. how many times you exercise a week, how many times you say no to sweet sugary drinks... oh I miss coca cola....... and cakes and chocolates.... ah....... Please except my apologies, I never meant you to feel any bad k.....
Alright, to the guest, who ever you are.... you said,how about pointing the rainbow with the you-know-what finger... jari telunjuk that is.... and singing in the kitchen will make you to marry old man
I agree, if I knew that singing in the kitchen will make me marry an old man, then I wouldnt have felt desperate and lonely all those years....cause I'd definately get married right. hahaha.... No more need for all those online dating sites... juts sing in the kitchen... BEST jua tu....
how aboutmentioning someone's name and if he or she turns up, he will live a long life.....
Screw plastic surgery and vitamins man, its the best thing to do, hahaha and I wont have to watch that program 'how to live longer' what...... and its free.....
Thanks Guest, if you have anymore let me know... and let me know who you are cause then i can give the proper recognition and stuff like that....
I know Ive written about our traditions before... but Ive been hearing things like... all this adat is haram and stuff like that... its true. but its our culture. If we dont have our traditions no matter how unIslam they may seem, it makes us Bruneians what.I mean, americans have Thanksgiving and independence day... it makes them Americans man.
Yes yes we all wanna be up to date and developed and shit, but HELLO........... we need to hang on to why we're Bruneians......Yes Im sure that everybody doesn't believe that sitting on pillows gives you boils and cutting your nails after six is NDA KUASA... But its interesting to say the least.. hahaha
So Im gonna list down the ones I remember, if you guys have any please email me or something.....
1. SITTING ON PILLOWS GIVES YOU BOILS OR BISUL
( ok back in the day they didnt have running water and stuff so of course you were alot dirtier back then. and your backside wouldnt have been very clean. and how stubborn are bruneians.... so of course they had to come up with some cock and bull story.
2. WASHING YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU GO TO TO BED OR ELSE YOU'LL GET BAD DREAMS
(ok I still do this... hahahaha.... so does Jenny Malai Ali..... think bout it, im sure back in the day feet were alot dirtier and you wouldnt want dirty feet in your bed, there is no scientific proof for this, but it works for me)
3. DONT CUT YOUR NAILS AFTER SUNDOWN
hello.... there was no KARAN (electricity) kali ah)
4. DONT EAT STANDING UP, NDA KUASA.....
(another thing I dont understand is 'nda kuasa' what does that mean, but imagine if one person was standing and the rest were sitting on the floor your neck would hurt right)
5. 'OH POCHOT'
(said when you accidentally fall or trip or drop something, dont know what a pochot is.... but hey its different)
Notice how the one similar thing in all those things above is how good we are at getting our way, how we can get somebody to do something they don't wanna do. I think we should be proud of this trait that we all seem to have to make things work when we really want it. Just my opinion........
Thats what I can think of at the top of my head.... if you have anymore let me know ya.....
Dear Bang Opi,
Bang, whats going on with the bleep guys at kristal astro.... I think they're too good at their jobs.... They bleeped out the DIC in ri-DIC-ulous.
Then he would have had some really smart thing to add on Im sure.
I miss you bang...... We all do. Mummy and nini still look sad.
I had my first family holiday, and I'm trying to get close with the kids like you asked me too.I wish I could have asked you so many things. Nevermind, I'll learn it along the way.
my brother's gone. You think to yourself that there's a reason for everything. That he was in so much pain, and then you think and you regret and then you get angry, why is he gone.....
Then you try to take a big step back, and you realise to yourself, that you're just being selfish. The only reasons you want someone to stay is cause of how YOU feel. I couldn't imagine how much pain and suffering he went through.... and for him its finally over, the physical pain at least. I couldn't bare to see him everyday, he was the scary big brother. and suddenly he was skin and bones and he was just not him. But my brother's sense of humor rang through. to the very last few days he could talk.
Now both my father and big brother are gone. both from the same things......
They both had diabetes.... My brother from when he was a child. My father from when he was a young adult. You young people out there dont realise the importance of a healthy living. Even I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sweet food.
But you have to realise that once you get diabetes you can never be cured. you can get it UNDERCONTROL. but you still have it. Yeah Yeah Halle Berry has it, but she has money for chefs and nutritionists and expensive medical care at all times.
You think that, 'No Lah it will never happen to me.' But once you get diabetes, no matter how hard you try, your body eventually gives up without the proper care, this happens with old age too. But alot faster when you have diabetes. Imagine getting a cut, you leave it for a few hours its dry a few days later, its healed.
when you have diabetes, you have a cut, if you're not careful it gets infected, if you're seriously unlucky it spreads, if you leave it longer it turns to gangrene.A simple healing process disappearing from your body.
But diabetes is not the only thing you have to watch out for. you've got hereditary high blood pressure, anemia, heart disease. Find out what your family has and you might have it too. its a little thing called a gene pool, and disease seem to enjoy following heirs. Ive grown up with a nurse for a mother, so with her children's medical history in mind, we were routinely put through diets and blood tests... we even had a ration of ice cream. It didnt help that all my mother's children's genetic makeup made it easy for us to put on weight. For all youz out there with naturally high metabolic rates, Im jealous.........
I have had knowledge of the fact that I have a form of thalassemia since I was a child. Minor though but if I marry another carrier my children have a great possibility of getting thalassemia, a form of anemia, meaning my kids might need blood transfusions. Scary, but at least I know. So yeah maybe doctors and hospitals suck, but they might know something.
My family has a history of lumps in their breasticles, meaning its another thing I need to watch out for. But our health has never actually been such a big deal right. Cause if someone goes its cause it was an accident or 'got somebody make' (ada orang do black magic). hahahaha
But Ive grown up hearing, lai you should lose some weight, NDA LAWA....... So I grew up with some horrific self esteem issues. hahaha. didnt help that I was darker and alot taller then everybody else..... KIDS ARE CRUEL......
Now I'm gonna say.... You should seriously try to get more healthier cause you'll feel better. Cause so what if you're fat, ugly, dark, skinny, fair, short tall or smelly..... ok smelly, get some deodorant. But we should focus on promoting a healthier lifestyle, exercising having less sweet food less salt less oil. But once in awhile is fine what.
My brother is not well...... Its so sad.... But all we can do is hope and pray. When it comes down to times like this that you cant blame anyone, but you feel so helpless.
He's so young, he's only 37. Its crazy, but sometimes you just have to roll with the punches, you just use whatever cards life deals you. Some people are lucky they have one of them straight flushes, some get royal flushes and in the world of card games, you know they some lucky bastards right there.
Its so weird, I guess people just deal with things there own way, as my very smart but SMALL friend said, its your own coping mechanism.... and everybody has their own. I guess I'm the kinda person that sees the humor in every single situation. I cant deal with being sad for too long, its depressing and a horrible place to be.
Some people might say Im strong, but I say that you do the best you can, cause thats all you can do. and sometimes you do need to laugh, cause when situations get too heavy and you dont break the tension then things go awry.... ( ive always wanted to use that word, I feel smart now)
But if you do know my big brother and or somebody who knew him and they can make him laugh and feel a little bit better, go visit him. go say hi, we never truly realise the effect we have on others around us. Im a firm believer that a laugh goes along way. and my brother needs to keep his spirits up, cause a happier person heals faster. Well thats what i believe.
If you do go see him please try to keep the tears in check, he doesnt need tears and sadness, he needs to feel positive and he himself must believe that he will get better.... Cause thats our only hope right now....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AZEEM.......... keep producing them great songs and you'll be as rich as DIDDY sooner then u know.... hahahahahah
Remember growing up.......... your grandmas house would usually have a BURUNG TIONG, the amount of time you would spend trying to teach it rude things to say......... and to hear it mimic peoples voices and sounds around it was much better than tv back then, well considering we only had tv from lunchtime only, or was it later than that, the time of borneo bulletins coming once a week........ where laserdisc machines were the THING!!!! and computers and mobile phones cost a BIG HUMUNGOUS BOMB..... hahahaha mobile batteries used to be the size of a briefcase.......
But my point is that, I want to get a burung tiong man for my little girl, but surprise surprise you cant get them anymore..... you need a license, u need a permit blah blah blah..... Yes yes, I agree they are endangered now and it is cruel and unkind to take them out of their habitats, blah blah blah....
But the burung tiong will always have a special place in my heart.......... So folks, presenting, the burung tiong, the HENGLAND name is Hill Myna.........
lets sit back and reminisce, bout nights walking up in front of the tv and watching the WHITE DOT(we didnt have programs on 24-7 back then), and to pagers and smileys, to GI Joe, He-man and She-ra, to Night Rider and the Misfits of Science(a very young Courtney Cox starred), to the Love Boat, to burung tiongs in almost every house.......... hahaha.........
I sometimes wonder about our children, they wanna grow up too fast too quickly. I wish they would understand that your childhood is the best, it gives you so many great memories..... now they want the latest games, computers and mobile phones, they're only ten and they want these things....... its scary, but I guess thats what happens with every new generation, they do things differently BUT I just cant help but worry...........
My 'LITTLE' cousin Wasila sent me this following email, and its really funny to be receiving this email after my little episode in my earlier post.........
From someone I thought was a 'girl' thanks for reminding me bout how to be a 'grown woman' again.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GROWN WOMAN AND A GIRL
Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.
Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.
Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.
Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.
Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.
Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.
Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path and leave a trail." WHICH IS BETTER A Girl or GROWN WOMAN Hmmmm?
WOW, i must say its been ages......
Ive been going through this whole clingy thing, its disgusting man, i dont get it sometimes. What is it about us women...... Well I must state for a fact that not all women are the same.... So as usual Im going to be talking about myself.....
But yeah, I mean, its hard having to get used to things, I mean, I remember who i was before i got married, but its like that person sorta kinda doesnt fit anymore. Im not sure but I heard a couple of women go through the same thing after marriage.
its so weird maybe its the age thing as well, but I used to go out every night, hang out until the early hours of the morning.... Not a very healthy life.
Nowadays, Im at home or out with my husband..... and you know what happens when you do that... you have no more stories to tell... you become this really boring boring person....
Now i understand what happens the first year.... The man just goes ahead and continues his life, ok thats horrible he changes too la... hahaha... but Ive been going through this whole be a good wife thing and ask permission and shit, but then of course you lose that really exciting person your man fell inlove with... hahahaha
and i said I would never ever be this person..... thats why you should never say never....
thats why I have realised that I need to get my life back in order, not that my life is a mess now, but seriously you need to go out, you need to be independant, cause these silly little men, dont want a clingy wife......and as my friend 'SMALL' says we gotta keep the men on their feet cause if you dont they tend to take you for granted. and they dont realise this at all.... they are men after all, they only keep track of how dirty the car is.... we are the emotional over analysing monsters, and have i mentioned assumption.... oh man, I have had some very good conversations in my head about what goes on.....
another interesting conversation i had on saturday was that paranoia affects anyone and can affect everyone!!!!!! But sometimes its just your PMS or the hormone contraceptive you're on, cause ladies, that stuff just plays with your mind like nobody's business........ hahahaha....
ok, have you realised that when we watch tv, they usually talk bout food they normally have at home, words we usually hear are, meatloaf, potluck and a roast.....
well I was thinking wats the one thing that almost all houses have in Brunei.....
Ive decided that one meal Ive noticed is AYAM KICAP.... hehehe... and everybody has a favourite... the one i love at home is when my mum makes it, the kuah is thickish but banyak. and then its bit bit pedas.... BEST IN THE WORLD!!!!
ok, if you agree, please describe yours. hahaha. But im sure you guys have other opinions about what you think is a norm at your houses....
I must tell you though another thing that we all love is eggs.... omelets, sunny side up, hard boiled, half boiled... we love eggs.... dont forget that we must have the obligatory chopped onions and sometimes you have your lada hidup......
Growing up a staple of the dining table was either curry, any kind of curry... my late dad was a curry freak, and he cooked the best curry in the world!!!!! hahaha.... yeah yeah your parents cook the best to you guys too.... but then we would also have corned beef and an omelet... hahaha... NUTRITIONAL to the maximum....
But lemme know what your home favourites are.... i like food, i like reading bout food, i especially love eating it... of course!!!!
So Ive been getting some really painful periods lately............ wait a minute
WARNING: FEMALE PROBLEMS COMING UP, if u cant handle periods and pab smears please dont read..............
So yeah, been getting some seriously painful periods lately, and it appears that my endometriosis is coming back...... Yup its a big word and pretty difficult to prononce.... but what is it? Lemme tell u guys.........
Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (the endometrial stroma and glands, which should only be located inside the uterus) is found elsewhere in the body.
Endometriosis lesions can be found anywhere in the pelvic cavity: on the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, and on the pelvic sidewall. Other common sites include the uterosacral ligaments, the cul-de-sac, the Pouch of Douglas, and in the rectal-vaginal septum.
In addition, it can be found in caecarian-section scars, laparoscopy or laparotomy scars, and on the bladder, bowel, intestines, colon, appendix, and rectum.
In rare cases, endometriosis has been found inside the vagina, inside the bladder, on the skin, even in the lung, spine, and brain.
The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain. The pain often correlates to the menstrual cycle, but a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain that doesn’t correlate to her cycle. For many women, the pain of endometriosis is so severe and debilitating that it impacts their lives in significant ways.
Endometriosis can also cause scar tissue and adhesions to develop that can distort a woman’s internal anatomy. In advanced stages, internal organs may fuse together, causing a condition known as a "frozen pelvis."
It is estimated that 30-40% of women with endometriosis are infertile.
If you or someone you care about has endometriosis, it is important to research the disease as much as possible. Many myths and misconceptions about endometriosis still persist, even in medical literature. For many women, management of this disease may be a long-term process. Therefore, it is important to educate yourself, take the time to find a good doctor, and consider joining a local support group.
Symptoms of endometriosis
The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain. The pain often correlates to the menstrual cycle, however a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain at other times during her monthly cycle.
For many women, but not everyone, the pain of endometriosis can unfortunately be so severe and debilitating that it impacts on her life significant ways.
Pain may be felt:
before/during/after menstruation
during ovulation
in the bowel during menstruation
when passing urine
during or after sexual intercourse
in the lower back region
Other symptoms may include:
diarrhoea or constipation (in particular in connection with menstruation)
abdominal bloating (again, in connection with menstruation)
heavy or irregular bleeding
fatigue
The other well known symptom associated with endometriosis is infertility. It is estimated that 30-40% of women with endometriosis are subfertile.
How scary is that???? I knew it.... I knew that it wasnt normal to have so much pain.... So guys get checked man..... Could affect your fertility.... and the amazing thing with so many scientists and doctors thay have no specific reasons what causes this disease...
But yeah since I was there I got my pab smear done..... Do you know how weird it is to have another woman touch u like that.... Men dont have to go through with these kinds of things.... If u boys had to have an annual checkup where ur privates are on display, poked and prodded ud so think we were the stronger sex.... hahaha
But I must stress the importance of these checkups, its the best way to check for irregular cells that could or could not lead to cancer. and all them little things inbetween, i really dont wanna get into it right now...... hahahah.......
But women... we have a responsibility to get checked right? beri malu plang.... hey man, I even got my breasticles checked.... weird feeling, this lady is pressing and touching ur breasts..... but at least I know that so far so good.... instead of just speculating.....
I got my mum this book called the 8 steps to happiness.......... Ive just read the first few pages though..................
the thing that caught my eye was the fact that it states emphatically that we should chose to be happy and that its a hard difficult journey.....
But think of that we chose to be happy..... CHOSE!!!!!!
So enuff griping and complaining, its now time to chose to be happy..... ima gonna write more bout this once I actually read the whole book, just incase, I dont wanna give you guys the wrong information
But what we should think bout is, are we really happy? do we have the tools? do we even know what makes us truly truly happy........................ After the whole get rich, I have money, I'll be happy, tapi if we watch movies, isnt it always the story, MONEY DOESNT BUY HAPPINESS................... thats the moral of most stories right? Well alot.............
For a twenty year old, this number is a scary one, adults bodybuilders alike are scared... hahaha oklah oklah IM exaggerating, but its true man, 30 big deal ler
and now Ive hit it..... and surprisingly it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be..... My cousin called me all the way from KL just to wish me a Happy Birthday, but the best part was when she said that Im 30, married and have two kids, hilarious when I think that on my 29th birthday it was bulan puasa, I was single with no hopes of ever getting married apatah lagi having kids......
Look at me now world.... its MAGICAL hahaha... but she said I gotta set new goals and aspirations, now thinking bout it, was I so consumed at finding a man? Was I? Sometimes to realise these kinda things is just hard, cause you the one feeling it......
So I got breakfast in bed, my daughter, woke up early with her grandma (my mummy) went outside to pick flowers and make me breakfast, you know what was my first thought....... 'THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE CHILDREN', husbands have a possibility of going you know (not that im asking for that.... jauh palis)
So its Monday.......
I have to set my schedule, I have kids that go to school now......
How amazing is that, last year I didnt have a boyfriend, now Im married and have two children.... magic or what???? hahaha.... I am in no way whatsoever trying to rub it in your faces, HELLO..... I was single for 7 years, Im not saying that this is the perfect marriage and it will last forever, But Im hoping..... You can only hope, my parents married for love and even after divorce and everything my dad went to his grave still loving my mum.....
So marriage is not all about LOVE......
Love man what a word, nobody tells you it comes in so many varying degrees and motions and actions and everything.....
What you thought was love, wasnt, what you dont think is right, most times is.... tell me... sounds confusing? damn straight......
But this post is dedicated to all those parents out there that sacrifice everything for their children...... Where their kids are first and foremost in there lives... priority number one.....
But then I still believe that you have to always make time for husband and wife..... without children, that bond has to be strong..... cause once that bond is lost, into the depths of oblivion, its hard to get it back..... How do you bring up happy, balanced children when their parents arent..... Its just an observation, I still dont wanna call my husband daddy or babah or whatever, NDA SEXY bah... you know what I mean... hahaha.... no offence...
But Im gonna strive to be his girlfriendwifelover for life....... mistress even.... hahaha....
Im talking out my ass I guess, Im only just starting this marriage and motherhood thing, its weird, I always thought I would be a great mother, but now looking at it, IT TAKES ALOT OF WORK, I already dont want them to take on my bad habits, but how do I do that without becoming a hypocrite.....
The difference between a maternal mother and a stepmother.... When I do have biological kids I will feel different but how do I be fair, cause I am the adult right, I know better right.... Ah man, I guess Im gonna take it a day at a time..... and im gonna have to include all uz ppl in it... hahaha
Theres so many things that you learn from having a baby from day one.....
I guess Ive just been so selfinvolved all my life that its actually something that I have to work on, like school bottles and food and clothes and their futures..... and whats gonna happen, but Im gonna try to do it one day at a time, hahaha, am i alone in this feeling? im sure everybody has doubts and worries and stupid thoughts right???? I dont have to perfect straight away right?
Im gonna go and send my girl to school now..... bye peoples.....
